A Tribute to my BELOVED youngest brother

Bismillah...


Biase org buat tribute kalu org tu dh x de kan??? Xpe2, utk pengetahuan, adik aku ade lagi...cumenye, sgt 'touch' dgn ape yg die wat..so, nak kene tulis skrg...nnt 'feeling' hilang plak kalu postpone..


Aku ade 2 org adik laki..tapi skrg nk ckap pasl adik aku yg last...hehe...


Mula2 bley terharu ngan die nih sbb ade one day tu, ade org fitnah aku mcm2 dan aku diserang oleh seseorg yg lain sbb fitnah tu...dah la diserang kt skola lame dlu...TT_TT
On the phone je..I didn't even back up myself, not because I couldn't...but I chose not to...cause at the moment, Alhamdulillah sgt2..Allah put this feeling in my heart...

"Don't worry...Allah knows everything.."

So, aku diam...tapi ofkos lar air mate meleleh cm ape...MESTI lar nangis...kene sumpah-seranah kowt...ingat aku ni hati batu ke..ngeeee~~~


Okeyh..melalut dah..sbnrnye, point nk ckap kt cni...adik aku tau r bnd nih jadi...Yg wat aku terharu sesgt...He backed me up..He said to my mom,

"Ala...(org yg fitnah aku) tu asyik nk buruk2kan org je.."

AllahuAllah..Allahuakbar...Salah satu hikmah selpas ujian...Aku tau adik aku sayang aku..hahahaha...


Pas tau pasal ni, aku terharu tak hbes2..rase cm nk bagi sume yg adik aku tu nak..tapi sebgai wanita Ego+Poyo, aku diam wat x tau..hahaha..perangai ni dilarang tiru...*amarankeras* aku tgah nk ubah..


But, few days ago..I got to know something about my brother...yg membuatkan aku semakin saaaaayang kat die...AllahuAllah...tak tergambar sayang cmne..selame ni mmg sayang, tapi adik-beradik..sayang2 pown, menyampah lagi banyak..sbb aku ngan die ni mmg x sebulu..Faktor2nye adalah sbb ktorg banyak persamaan..kepala angin+manje terlebey...hahaha..


Not only my love for him bertambah, he also gained my respect....WOW!!! 

*bunga api letup2*

Bukan senang aku nk respect seseorg tu..lagi2 adik aku...oh, NO!!! Tak mungkin, but he just did...=)))


Citer die cmni...Aku berborak2 ngan ckgu skola rndah aku, merangkap ckgu skola rndah sume adik-beradik aku, merangkap BEST FRIEND mak aku...hehehe...


Die bgtau what happened to my brother mase abah aku mule2 kawen baru tu...TT_TT..even while writing this, I'm crying...I can only imagine betape trauma+stressnye adik aku mase tu..kengkawan die sume ejek2 sbb abah aku kawen lain...abah aku plak tak lekat umah...cikgu aku cter, sejak tu, die diam je kat skola...mase tu aku cuti pas SPM..so, aku ade je kat umah...tapi, aku ingat...NOT EVEN ONCE, he said anything...NOT EVEN ONCE, die balik umah menangis/mengamuk ke ape...TAK PERNAH LANGSUNG...

* * * * * * *Break kejap, nak nangis puas2 dulu* * * * * * *

Mase tu, adik aku baru umo 11 tahun..ape la sgt yg die tau...AllahuAllah...betape KUATnye adik aku..I still remember, it was easy for me...sbb aku menyampah dok umah, aku bungkus2 baju balek umah nenek kt kedah..adik aku, he had to stay..die pi skola...tak ponteng pown walaupown bley je die tantrum dan ckap kt mak aku tak nak pi skola..he can tell my mom what happen...but, HE DIDN'T..sbb die SAYANG mak aku...die tau mak aku dah ckup sedey...NAMPAK TAK MATANGNYE ADIK AKU COMPARE TO AKU???


No wonder, mak aku sgt manjakan dia sejak abah kawen laen...Sampai aku menyampah...I wonder why...So, this is the reason...Aku pown rase cm nk manjekan die pasni...hehe..

TT_TT

Byak lagi nak ckap, tapi x mampu dah..these tears won't stop...


For Abiq,

"Abiq, kak din mntak maaf bebyak sbb 4 tahun baru kak din perasan...Selfishnye kak din selame nih, sorry sesgt, abiq...Banyak bende ko nak, ko x dpt sbb abah byak tanggungjawab...I promise you, lpas kak din pass resit ni, I'll CHANGE and WORK HARD as both students and herbalife independent distributor...So that I can give you anything you need...stay STRONG...I LOVE YOU..."

To Allah,

"O' Allah, guide my brother to You...Love him, Allah...Help him..Protect him in Imaan and Islam...Guide him all the way, Allah..Allows him to be Your army..Semoga kami dapat sama2 menjadi penegak agama Islam...Aminnn"

I'm A PROUD sister, cause I have STRONG brother...<3<3<3

DOA dan tanggungjawab..

Bismillah..


Hehehe...sebenarnye kene finish off sharing from BeingME conference tapi x nak lagi..sbab nk tggu hbes exam baru nk siapkan..hahaha..


This post, adelah refleksi hadhinah hari ini...baru pas bace blog kak Mell [she's one of my inspiration]...kalu korg nak bace, bley pi tgok kat cni


Her latest post pasal doa wat aku muhasabah balek doa2 yg lampau...setelah pikir dan pikir dan pikir lagi, aku notice sesuatu...


When we ask sumthing from Allah, mksudnye doa nak sesuatu...doa itu PASTI makbul..in what way tu mmg x tau r kan...tapi, it will NOT only be answered...it will also come with responsibility...=)))


Pelik kan???


Analogi hadhinah 1


Dulu sampai sekrg, dari aku kcik2 umo 11@12 tahun[x igt] aku sentiasa doa kat Allah nak jadi perempuan kuat..cam Siti Hajar, isteri Nabi Ibrahim yg kene tggl sengsorg kt padg pasir tu..bonda Nabi Ismail...


Sejak tu, aku mule rase susah hdup nih..hehehe..selebet+selekeh tak perangai..wakaka..budak tak matang r katekan...


Bile dh besar cm skrg, baru aku jmp jawapan segala kesusahan yg Allah bagi tuh...This is part of kata2 Salahuddin Al-Ayubi..banyak senanye, nk share satu ni je..yg len, pi cari sndri...hahaha...

"Kupohonkan kekuatan dari Allah, Allah berikan aku kesulitan, agar aku jadi kuat"

Ahha!!!![dh cm Inche Gabbana pulak..]

Nmpk tak tanggungjwb yg Allah bagi kat ctu??? Tanggungjwb utk tabah dan sabar dan tros kuat menghadapi kesulitan..that's the RESPONSIBILITY....itulah USAHA yg aku kene wat...ohhoi..QUESTION 1, ANSWERED!


Analogi hadhinah 2


Skrg ni tgah intensely doa kat Allah bg pass resit exam MBBS 1st Year..ulang suare, RESIT yer..haha..x penah seumo hdup aku bayang aku akan menghadpi kegagalan sebegini..


Takpe, Allah knows what's BEST for me...Nak tarbiyyah aku lettew~~~ hehe...


Banyak kesalahan dan dosa2 yg aku buat, harap ade yg terampun dgn dtgnye ujian berat ini..Aminnnnn...


Jujur cakap, ujian fail nih sgt berat utk pompuan-ego-dan-thought-pride-tu-No-1 cam aku...T_T


InshaAllah, aku sudah tdak begitu..masih ade saki-baki ego+pride tu yg sedg cube dibasmi dgn CLOROX cap Istighfar&SolatTaubat, inshaAllah..

Soklan 2, ape tanggungjawab yg Allah bagi???

Jawapan : Ape lagi??? USAHALAH....duhhhh~~~

So, pembace blog ini[bajet ade..haha] nmpak tak??? Tiap kali kter doa, it will come with responsibility..iaitu USAHA..usaha dalam bntuk ape tu yg laen, tapi akan ade tanggungjwb kter untuk USAHA...inshaAllah..


Jadi, hadhinah...ape lagi dok terhegeh2 update blog..pi r study..nak PASS ke tak nak???

Pesanan Penaja

"Sume org yg bace, tolonglah doakan saye PASS resit exam nih..hanya DOA..itu je saye mohon dgn rendah hatinye...semoga kalian dirahmati Allah sentiase.."

[53:40]

"dan bahwasanya usaha itu kelak akan diperlihatkan (kepadanya)" 

[13:11]

"Bagi manusia ada malaikat-malaikat yang selalu mengikutinya bergiliran, di muka dan di belakangnya, mereka menjaganya atas perintah Allah. Sesungguhnya Allah tidak merobah keadaan sesuatu kaum sehingga mereka merobah keadaan yang ada pada diri mereka sendiri. Dan apabila Allah menghendaki keburukan terhadap sesuatu kaum, maka tak ada yang dapat menolaknya; dan sekali-kali tak ada pelindung bagi mereka selain Dia" 

[40:60]

"Dan Tuhanmu berfirman: 'Berdoalah kepada-Ku, niscaya akan Kuperkenankan bagimu. Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang menyombongkan diri dari menyembah-Ku akan masuk neraka Jahannam dalam keadaan hina-dina' "

Jazakumullahukhairankathiran...=))) 


With love,
muhasabah hadhinah
;)

Part 4:MOST Precious GIFTS from BeingME conference

This will be the PEAK of my sharing from BeingME conference...




The HIGHLIGHTS




--------------at least, for ME--------------

Session 2 : Achieving Balance - Inside Out

By:Sheikh Yahya Ibrahim

Inside = Roh/Soul

 Out = Badan/Body

For some of us, we must have heard this a lot...We, human, tend to take care of the so-called 'out' than the 'inside'...Let me give you a simple analogy...

"When we're hungry, we will eat lots and lots of food to satisfy the hunger without even worry about what's going to happen to the organs inside...How much burden we're putting them into, simply because we cannot see what's happening inside our body..."

Same goes to our 'roh'...Sheikh Yahya said,

"Roh is the MOST IMPORTANT part of you are...your soul is what defines you as a person..."

How do we measure how healthy our souls are??? Let's look at this hadith..

The Prophet of Mercy, Sayyiduna Muhammad al-Mustafa salla’llahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said :‘Surely there is in the body a small piece of flesh; if it is good, the whole body is good, and if it is corrupted, the whole body is corrupted, and that is surely the heart’. [Sahih Bukhari]

[credit to:http://ahlemuhabba.wordpress.com/2006/02/01/hadith-of-the-heart-qalb/]

Indeed, we're not able to see our soul...but we can check our heart, aren't we???

What causes me to be in this state,

after this session because of EVERYTHING that Sheikh Yahya said is totally related to ME...

"Your heart sometimes break, but for wrong reasons"

[My heart broke because I failed my paper..T_T *slapped*]

"If your heart break not because of Allah, it is ashamed"

[Indeed, it's not because of Allah...*100 punches*]

"Your heart may be broken because of someone who doesn't fear Allah, who doesn't care about Allah. Well, it is more of your fault compared to them"

[Arghhh...I did this also, a lot...*flying kick*]

"Be careful with your heart, don't let it break for other than Allah"

[It was ME, again...T_T *smack down*]

*How I wish I can do this*

Enough of the *slapping*punching*kicking* statements...

I also got an answer...

Well, I mentioned before about me, asking Allah why He failed me though I've been 

working so hard???

I bet many of us have already know about this verse,

[2:286] "Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope..."

Sheikh Yahya actually gave a new insight towards this verse...=)

He said,

"People always have a misconception about this verse. It is not that Allah will not give 

something more than we can bear, but it is that [Allah will not give you something, without a tool, TO CHANGE].."

Doesn't it answer my question to Allah? Allah wants me to change something, ONLY then he tested me with failure...Also, Allah wants me to change, to really TAWAKKAL to ONLY HIM, not to my effort...

Sheikh Yahya also said in the end,

"Trust Allah...Take lessons from what happens around you..."

I would like to emphasize here,

TRUST ALLAH

Unless you left Him, He'll NEVER let you go...=)

Session 4 : The Power of Change 

By:Dr. Fadila Grine

In the beginning of her talk, she said,

"I'm not here to answer your questions. But I'm here to leave you with lots and lots of questions..."

Hehehe...she started her talk with quite an impression, didn't she???

To be honest, I flinched a bit..Cause I knew, I HAVE to change after this...It's COMPULSORY for me to change after hearing this..because I won't have excuse NOT TO CHANGE since I've listened to her...

Her first point is about changing our perception...I didn't plan to talk much about this because Sister Wardina had talked about it here...=)

But, the example she gave about perception was eye-opener[does this word even exist???=_=']...She talked about converts...She said,

"We look at converts and make them role models...We have been born as Muslims, we are STRONGER... Converts look at us as role models..."

Did you agree to this??? I do..Because, indeed..this is our perception towards converts...We adore them a lot cause they look more pious and show us good example of Muslims without realizing we should be the one to give example to them..

How do we become a role model???

The answer is simple...

CHANGE

We have to change...to a MUSLIM...try hard to change to a MUKMIN...to the REAL ISLAM...

Change here can also be defined as RETURN [at least, this is what I thought]..

Why???

Because when Dr. Fadila said we have to change, what are the things we need to change??? 

How we dress, how we talk, how we behave and many more...

Change to WHAT??? 

Isn't the answer is to change to how ISLAM teaches us???

So..

Doesn't it mean we have to RETURN to REAL ISLAM???

Even Allah said in the Koran,

[13:11] "...Verily, Allah will not change the good condition of a people as long as they do not change their state of goodness themselves..."

and Dr. Fadila also shared a hadtih that made me tremble in fear, made me want to run away and hide forever..

"If you have to change, and you don't change, Allah will punish you"

Why do we need to change???

She said,

"We need to change because,

1) To ELEVATE our relationship with Allah

2) To know of KINDNESS

3) To increase our knowledge...

and plenty our reasons...[unable to copy everything because I'm trembling from FEAR]"

"Take our BAD habits, remove it VIOLENTLY"

[this is going to BREAK me apart]

"Don't wait, don't delay, don't wait to change"

[can't i just wait a little bit longer]

You know, I have a dream that one day, after I get married, I want to be like Aisyah, Khadijah..I want to WAIT until I get married...or in other word, I want to delay my CHANGE...

*i described myself like this because I did feel dead after...*

Dr. Fadila said,

"You can be Aisyah, Khadijah. What stops you?"

[Didn't it seems like she knew what's in my head??? Scary, wasn't it??? Of course she didn't know, but Allah did]

"Change has condition. We must have clear goals. We must know where we want to go. You have to do it for yourself. You are responsible for yourself, your change, your achievement. So, DO NOT WAIT."

There are 2 things needed for change which are 'iradah'(strong-will) and 'azimah'(strong determination).

"Change is URGENT..Do not DELAY"

"Make yourself, be yourself, do so much for YOURSELF"

[17:7] "(And We said): "If you do good, you do good for your own selves, and if you do evil (you do it) against yourselves..."

*i'm soooo dead*

How about you guys???

Do you feel the urge to change???

Does the sharing from Sheikh Yahya and Dr. Fadila touch your heart???

Sister Wardina said,

"If you don't feel anything, check you heart...[naudzubillah]"

Finish for now..Still got one last sharing from Sister Yasmin Mogahed...

The Greatest Love of All:Do We Really Love Allah Most?

****shake break for a while, will continue later****

[to be continued]

Part 3:MOST Precious GIFTS from BeingME conference

These are lists of the sessions I've been to during BeingME..actually, there were a lot more and we had to choose by ourselves which session we prefer...


As for me, I'd rather said that Allah knows me BEST....=)


Well, of course I did make my choices, but it turned differently than I was expected..So, I just followed the flow...And I'm REALLY glad I did that...

Quran Recitation

I finally understand what does it means when Sister Wardina said,

"Al-Quran cleanse your heart..."

[You can watch it here]

Session 1: Free From All Other Masters, Empowering Women

By: Sister Yasmin Mogahed

Even the title was scary enough cause deep inside, I know..I am not yet free from all other MONSTERS...T_T

I know,

I hasn't been able to solely worship ALLAH without the interference from my studies, money, fashion, family and plenty more...

THIS ugly DUNYA...

*this is ME, after listening to Sis Yasmin....*

Here, I would like to quote thing she said that slapped me right in the face...T_T

"Your body, your soul was created for something higher, way higher...not for display"

I still haven't cover up my aurat properly...erm..waiting for the strength??? =_=' Someone, please slap me FOR REAL...

[10:92] "..And Verily, many among mankind are heedless of Our Ayat"

Well, this is only one of many many words from Allah through Sis Yasmin made me shiver in fear...

Session 2 : Achieving Balance - Inside Out

By:Sheikh Yahya Ibrahim

This is one of the best lecture I had during BeingME..

I'm going to share about it a bit later...0_0

*this is how I describe myself after this session*

****There were entertainment and fashion shows...nothing much to share except that I'm AMAZED****

Session 3 : The Importance of Role Models - Why do we Need Them?

By:Sister Myriam Francois-Cerrah

Very interesting talk indeed..=)

One point that catches my ears is,

"Role model shouldn't be criticized. When they did something wrong, it should serve to an insight of limit of imperfection of human-being"

I couldn't agree more..Yes, it is a reality that all of us, as humans, more importantly Muslims, rather than give support, we tend to find fault in each other...this actually reflects how foolish we are and give chance for our enemy <SHAYTAN> to make fool of us more. Sister Myriam said, this is because we make assumption. We assumed those role models somehow above us when in reality, they are also slaves of Allah...they do have their pitfalls..

and key point :

THEY DO MAKE MISTAKES!

So, does it mean we cannot have role models???

NOPE! 

We can have role models..in fact, it is best if we have one..Why? 

Because "we want to be inspired..."

"Role models are the one that helps us to reach our goals..."

We want to trust that we can all be like the role models capable of being because WE, role models and us are the SAME...Ummah of Muhammad pbuh...Caliph in this DUNYA...

"If they can do it, we can also do it" 

Sister Myriam took an example from Malaysian which is Sister Wardina Safiyyah..=) She said, 

"Sister Wardina, who is here with us today. An amazing role model."

Sister Myriam ended her speech with,

"Go Out and Create Your Own Story"

So, people..let's create our own stories..I'm inspired already, how about you????

*too excited to create mine*

As Sister Wardina was the MC, she pointed out a point to ponder upon, 

"Ask ourselves, do we have role models to inspire us or just idols for the sake of worshipping?"

[REMINDER : the ONLY thing we shall worship is ALLAH, only ALLAH]

Session 4 : The Power of Change

By:Dr. Fadila Grine

*This is how I described it*

Too much...It was just too much..it was like the continuity of the talk by Sheikh Yahya Ibrahim...

NEXT

We watched a video message from Sister Lauren Booth..She was supposed to come but due to personal reason, she wasn't able to..She told an interesting story about a conversation between her and her daughter...It was so CUTE..

Session 5 : Documentary Screening, My Journey Back to Islam

By:Sister Raya Shokatfard

*this was me, till the person in front of me offered me a tissue..TOTAL EMBARRASSMENT*

To describe it in one sentence,

"Her journey really shows how much Allah loves her [jealous...0_0]...And indeed, Allah is the MOST LOVING, the MOST FORGIVING and He ACCEPTS REPENTANCE.."

hehehe..not really one sentence..*_*

Still not done..there are lots of things I haven't shared..[fuhh...wiping sweat..=_=']

I will share everything, inshaAllah...

[to be continued]