I've tried and still trying and will never stop! inshaAllah...T_T

Bismillah...

MAN JADDA WA JADA
"We'll get what we work for"

This is Allah's promise..by believing this, by believing in Allah...I suppose, there will be no problem...no pain, no sadness, no anything...no nothing...cause I'll get what I want if I work for it...

Kisah 1 : 2008, Aku tak nak abah kawen lain

Usaha 1
-x tepon mak...sampai mak risau
Usaha 2
-x nak ckap ngn abah...demam x gtau...asingkan diri..
Usaha 3
-balek umah, warning abah.."Kalau abah kawen lagi, kakak tak nak balek umah...dok kedah ngan tok, tapi masuk duet bulan2.." 
Usaha 4
-DOA...begging Allah everyday, jgn bagi abah kawen lain...
(Usaha yg sentiasa dari zaman budak2 x penah tggal sbb takowt sgt abah kawen dua, tiga)

RESULT: Abah saye kawen lagi jugak...*gulp*

Kisah 2 : May 2012, Progress 3 NUMed

Usaha 1
-bgun AWAL, x tdo pas subuh..study pas ma'thurat...
Usaha 2
-buat nota, jmp lecturer bile x faham...*ofkos,time rajin je*
Usaha 3
-x balek umah time cuti...study..
Usaha 4
-kurgkan sembang...*ofkos, kurg berjaya*
Usaha 5
-kurgkan bnd2 x berfaedah...cut off tros korea wutsoeva...
Usaha 6
-bwak buku berat2 balek umah...utk study..
Usaha 7
-qiam..tiap kali bgun..then, tros smbung study bila mampu...

RESULT: FAIL...*hah!!!* 

Maka, mengalirlah air mata seliter approx. 
Tapi, bley RESIT! jgn risau...try lagi...sedey okey, jgn lelame...NEVER GIVE UP!

Kisah 3 : August 2012, RESIT Progress 3 NUMed

Usaha2 aku..basically lebeyh kurg cm kisah 2..cumenye mase blaja double sbab x de kelas, x de ape...tmbah terawih...but, work harder than previous one sbb tak nak fail sgt2...TAK NAK LANGSUNG!!! 

Sbab, jujur..after fail mase May, kepercayaan kpd Allah goyah banyak..tapi, memandangkan RAMADHAN, saye percaya, pasti makbul sbb Allah knows how much I NEED this...bukan WANT, but NEED...so, keep praying...keep working...

Kenapa takowt sgt fail??? Sbb kene ulang setahun? Sbb nk masuk NUMed tu pown, I have to endure covering 2 months classes dlm 2 mggu+bnd baru nak blaja+TOK+EE yg tertgguh sbb saket? Sbb rase responsible towards MARA? Sbb kesian mak abah? Ye, betol..antara sbb2nye...but is that what I'm really scared of??? 

NO, NO and NO! 

Why I'm so scared to fail?
Sbb sebenar...the ONLY STRONG reason I keep fighting...Sbb kalau fail, kene pisah ngn my 2 angels yg x ley sbut name kt cni, ngn wani, zatil, wafa, fyra, anis, azza, shasha, itri dan ramai lagi...ramai sgt nk sebut...T_T x mau pisah ngn diorg...spnjg sebulan stgah revision utk resit exam, setiap hari mesti ade break utk menangis...sbb terigt diorg2 nih...Siyes, x tipu..

*x sume ade, tp ni la mereka..yg x de pown included*

I value them like my family..cm anak hilang mak abah, cmtu r perasaan bile byg x ley sesame ngn diorg dah...this is what I really feel..shocking, but it's real..cm harry potter aggp hogwarts home...cmtu r NUMed for me..it's my HOME...cause my real HOME, didn't feel like one anymore...tanpa aku perasan, NUMed is my HOME now...because of them...
So, the thought of not being able to join them anymore, keep breaking my heart spjg musim revision...T_T


RESULT:FAIL!!!

What I did??? I called 2 people smbil menanges tanye diorg cmne nk wat [ofkos r diorg pown x tau], diorg nih angels aku [penah cter kt cni]...sbnrnye yg sorg tu, cal b4 kuar result...tapi dh nges dh sbab tkowt...yg sorg tu, cal pas dpt result...

Pastu, basically...aku sujud syukur, pastu sujud utk doa dan aku MERAUNG smbil doa mntak Allah tolong...OMG! Siyes, tak tipu...nseb baek hujan lebat, so x de sape dgar kt umah...last meraung cmtu mase mak saket yg kronik hmpir nazak..mase tu, baru umo 10 tahun..skrg, umo dh 21 tahun...*facepalm*

Since then, I shut people out of my life...x ckap ngn sape2...even mak, abah..dan sedare-mare...x beraye dgn sesape pown...x kuar bilik pown pagi raye...means of communication, yes no qs...angguk/geleng sahaja..hmpir 2 mggu gak r mcm tu..

Sebenarnye, selain MAN JADDA WA JADA, ade juge KUNFAYAKUN...

57:22 

"Tiada suatu bencana pun yang menimpa di bumi dan (tidak pula) pada dirimu sendiri melainkan telah tertulis dalam kitab (Lauhul Mahfuzh) sebelum Kami menciptakannya. Sesungguhnya yang demikian itu adalah mudah bagi Allah"

Kenapa ape yg Allah bagi kt aku nih wat aku sedeyh sgt2.. hanya satu jawapan...


AKU MASIH MENCINTAI DUNIA more than I love Allah and Rasulullah...T_T

Cause I've worked  hard, Allah answered my prayers by giving something that's good for me, for my Deen and for my akhirat..I have no right to complain, nothing to be sad about as long as I love Allah more than anything else in which I'm not...

OVERALL RESULT: BIG PROBLEM

FEEDBACK:WORK HARDER for ALLAH and because of ALLAH, not using ALLAH as a nice excuse


p/s: Am I too proud with my sins yg aku tulis kt cni nih??? NO! By writing all these [my weakness] on this blog, I just embarrassed myself big time..but, the message there, I think I have the responsibility to tell all muslims 'bout it..in the end, RETURN to ALLAH..

p/s: Updating my blog, does it mean I'm okay now? NO! I'm still recovering...tears still falling...

*basically, cmni r aku-isolating myself*

When will I be okay??? No IDEA, but soon...InshaAllah...pray*for*me