Perfection

Bismillah..

Lamenye x update blog..not that x de mase, tp too much to say that I choose not to say..kang nnt bile start ckap kang, tak berhnti plak..

I might lose myself in blogging plak..that's why choose to micro-blogging di twitter saje..

But today, been missing writing so much that I decided to blog..today of all days..it's exactly 25 days before the exam..dupdapdupdap..don't dare to comment much on this topic..nnt kene uji with my words..

Indeed, though embarassing, I must admit I do feel a decrement in my confident level, in my courage..hehe..okey, enough negativity..

Let's move on to the topic..PERFECTION

I am a perfectionist..sooo much that sometimes, it pains me..I want thing to be EXACTLY like I want  it to be..

And Alhamdulillah...

Since childhood, things often went the way I wanted it..so, my life was sooooo easy..seriously, VERY EASY..

Though my mom was so sick long time ago that my whole family and me thought she's going to die,she didn't..Alhamdulillah, my mom got well and she's healthy till now..Alhamdulillah..did it hard to bear? Yes.. But did it went the way I wanted it, for my mom to get better.. YES..

Above is the ONLY hard moment from my life before that I could remember..there are others, but this is the MOST significant..

That's why I can say my life is easy..I got everything I wanted, my family is awesome, my friends are cool and I excelled in my studies..things were easy..

But, when I got serious, I started <baru perasan keep rambling in eng..=_='> to notice, things didn't go the way I wanted it..not anymore..of course, they were still some things went well but yg x mengikut ape aku nak tu mule mengganggu fikiran dan perjlanan hdup aku..

And bnde tu jd sbb my mistakes..I made lots of mistakes to the point I hated myself..
I couldn't stand the fact that I made mistakes..
I hated myself and things just getting tougher and harder..
This actually pissed me of dan buat aku tertanye2, mengapaaaaaaa???

I hated this difficult life..so much..

Then, td study ppd..Personal and Professional Development, you can say it's a subject in medicine..

Smbil2 study, muhasabah cket..teliti my life so far sbgai salah seorg med student..I noticed something..mmgla Allah x jdkan sesuatu tu sia2...<for this post, I'm so sorry..it's 4:18am..malas nak check balek> but it was said in the Quran, surah Ali Imran..ayat,x igt..😔                           

I finally know why Allah set my life the way it is now..my journey..the fact yg hdup aku skrg ni rse susah sbb Allah wants to prepare me for a tougher life as doctor..imagine, u have to tell people u can't save their family member, u yourself kene tgok org mati dpan mate and etc..and also, for perfectionist like me, as a doctor, it is inevitable that I might make mistakes..

Nak emphasize yg hdup begini, amatlah tdak sesuai utk PERFECTIONIST cm aku ni...

Cbe byangkan, if I still the same me from before when I become a doctor...The 'me' who couldn't bear myself making mistakes, I can't imagine what kind of doctor and person I will be..and if I am still seorg hadhinah yg tak penah rse hdup susah, aku dpt byangkan yg aku keje kjap je as doktor..x pown, aku akan end up jd dr sbb nak duet byak...😱😱😱

Naudzubillah..

So, tujuan post ni sbnrnye just nk express my gratitude to Allah for the beautiful life He grants me..Allah set hdup kter ni, mmg dah cantek..mmg dah PERFECT..the ups and and downs, susah senang, itulah erti PERFECTnye hdup Allah bg ni..it really is up to us whether kter nk tgok the beauty of it atau sebaliknya..kalau kiter melihat Allah pd semua yg terjd kt kter, we will see the REAL PERFECTION..

Okeyh..tu je muhasabah selepas berPPD td..Alhamdulillah...Alhamdulillah..Alhamdulillah...I have Allah as my life planner...MashaAllah..SubahanAllah..❤❤❤