Perfection

Bismillah..

Lamenye x update blog..not that x de mase, tp too much to say that I choose not to say..kang nnt bile start ckap kang, tak berhnti plak..

I might lose myself in blogging plak..that's why choose to micro-blogging di twitter saje..

But today, been missing writing so much that I decided to blog..today of all days..it's exactly 25 days before the exam..dupdapdupdap..don't dare to comment much on this topic..nnt kene uji with my words..

Indeed, though embarassing, I must admit I do feel a decrement in my confident level, in my courage..hehe..okey, enough negativity..

Let's move on to the topic..PERFECTION

I am a perfectionist..sooo much that sometimes, it pains me..I want thing to be EXACTLY like I want  it to be..

And Alhamdulillah...

Since childhood, things often went the way I wanted it..so, my life was sooooo easy..seriously, VERY EASY..

Though my mom was so sick long time ago that my whole family and me thought she's going to die,she didn't..Alhamdulillah, my mom got well and she's healthy till now..Alhamdulillah..did it hard to bear? Yes.. But did it went the way I wanted it, for my mom to get better.. YES..

Above is the ONLY hard moment from my life before that I could remember..there are others, but this is the MOST significant..

That's why I can say my life is easy..I got everything I wanted, my family is awesome, my friends are cool and I excelled in my studies..things were easy..

But, when I got serious, I started <baru perasan keep rambling in eng..=_='> to notice, things didn't go the way I wanted it..not anymore..of course, they were still some things went well but yg x mengikut ape aku nak tu mule mengganggu fikiran dan perjlanan hdup aku..

And bnde tu jd sbb my mistakes..I made lots of mistakes to the point I hated myself..
I couldn't stand the fact that I made mistakes..
I hated myself and things just getting tougher and harder..
This actually pissed me of dan buat aku tertanye2, mengapaaaaaaa???

I hated this difficult life..so much..

Then, td study ppd..Personal and Professional Development, you can say it's a subject in medicine..

Smbil2 study, muhasabah cket..teliti my life so far sbgai salah seorg med student..I noticed something..mmgla Allah x jdkan sesuatu tu sia2...<for this post, I'm so sorry..it's 4:18am..malas nak check balek> but it was said in the Quran, surah Ali Imran..ayat,x igt..😔                           

I finally know why Allah set my life the way it is now..my journey..the fact yg hdup aku skrg ni rse susah sbb Allah wants to prepare me for a tougher life as doctor..imagine, u have to tell people u can't save their family member, u yourself kene tgok org mati dpan mate and etc..and also, for perfectionist like me, as a doctor, it is inevitable that I might make mistakes..

Nak emphasize yg hdup begini, amatlah tdak sesuai utk PERFECTIONIST cm aku ni...

Cbe byangkan, if I still the same me from before when I become a doctor...The 'me' who couldn't bear myself making mistakes, I can't imagine what kind of doctor and person I will be..and if I am still seorg hadhinah yg tak penah rse hdup susah, aku dpt byangkan yg aku keje kjap je as doktor..x pown, aku akan end up jd dr sbb nak duet byak...😱😱😱

Naudzubillah..

So, tujuan post ni sbnrnye just nk express my gratitude to Allah for the beautiful life He grants me..Allah set hdup kter ni, mmg dah cantek..mmg dah PERFECT..the ups and and downs, susah senang, itulah erti PERFECTnye hdup Allah bg ni..it really is up to us whether kter nk tgok the beauty of it atau sebaliknya..kalau kiter melihat Allah pd semua yg terjd kt kter, we will see the REAL PERFECTION..

Okeyh..tu je muhasabah selepas berPPD td..Alhamdulillah...Alhamdulillah..Alhamdulillah...I have Allah as my life planner...MashaAllah..SubahanAllah..❤❤❤

Bila kita sudah suka...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

Perasaan suke2 kat org ni mmg perkare biase..budaya couple plak, erm...luar biase yg sudah menjadi perkara biase...eh#

Sebelum aku mengenal DnT, aku juge pernah BIASA dgn budaye ni..T_T

Seronok???

Ofkos!!! Byak hadiah kowt dpat...bunga, coklat, baju, gelang tangan, gelang kaki, gelang leher, eh#

The regret???

[Tros huduh muke okeyhhh..menyesal tak sudah!]

Mase mula2 tau couple tu haram, OMG!!! Terkejowt beruk uols..

Maka, bermulalah proses mujahadah membuang karat2 bf dlm hdup...susah...susah sangat...Tapi ketahuilah, Allah takkan ambil sesuatu drpd kita tanpa menggantikan dgn sesuatu yg lebih baik..He's Ar-Rahman and Ar-Rahim...REMEMBER! He'll never do something as cruel as that..

Sbgai galang-gantinya, Dia, cinta teragung telah menggantikan dgn sahabat yg sentiasa sedia menemani di kala hati merindui bf yg sah2 haram utk dirindui tu...Adatlah, putus cinta...mestilah frustrated...byak kali relapse..kjap kuat, kjap lembik...ngeeee~~~

Pastu plak, bile dh get over bf, mulalah plak rase down....

Rase down sbb ade mase lalu yg mcm tu...T_T

Rase stress sgt2...

Can't help but wondering, WHY, oh, WHY Allah allowed such shameful things to be done by me, myself???

Pastu, recently bace buku Cinta High Class by Ustazah Fatimah Syarha...lagi rase down..kerana masa lalu yg htam dan penuh noda...ceyhhhhh, ayat nk high class gittew..hehe

Kerana tak jumpa bahan bacaan yg mampu menjelaskan hikmah masa lalu itu, akhirnya mntak pndpat dari shbt2 yg juga ana anggap sbagai murabbi dan murabbiah..uisy, ana uols...

Dan, akhirnya...Alhamdulillah....seorang sahabat yang sangat ana syg kerana Allah, ukhti _ _ _ _ _ _lah [biarlah rahsia,ngeee~~~] org yg menenangkan ketika ini...ketika mujahadah pertama dahulu juga ukhti inilah yang setia di sisi...

Beliau bilang sama ana, 

"Yasmin Mogahed pernah cakap:

"a person dive deep in the darkness of the ocean, just to bring a valuable pearls"

seorang muslim, yang pernah melalui semua lumpur2 kehidupan ni, adalah seorang muslim yang sedang disiapkan Allah untuk mengeluarkan ummat dari lumpur tersebut.

subhanallah, Allah pilih kita untuk lalui semua tu sebab Allah nak bg rasa kemanisan iman tu kat kita

"dia membenci kembali kpd dosa2 seakan2 dia membenci untuk dimasukkan ke dalam neraka"

perasan tak, kita sgt manja ngn Allah..

asyik2 cerita kat Allah, takut2 dosa kita yang lepas Dia tak ampunkan,

takut semua dakwah tarbiyah kita buat tak mengesankn hati orang sebab terhijab dgn dosa kita...

subhanallah, ana lebih syg hubungan sebegitu dgn Allah. dari hubungan yang tiada rasa mengharap

"sungguh, mrk selalu bersegera dlm kebaikn dan mrk selalu berdoa kpd Kami dgn penuh harap dan cemas " 21:90"

Amek kau...copy paste tros okeyh..lpas ckap dgn beliau, Allah Azza Wajalla tlh memberikan satu ketenangan yang 'indescribable'...ngeeee~~~

Pastu, mula terfikir apekah cara terbaek utk menghalang diri dari terjatuh cinta kepada yg tak sepatutnya..mungkin lebih tepat, cara2 nak mengesan kesahihan perasaan yang kter sdang rase tu..

Biaselaaa...ter'crush' kt org tu, ter'crush' kt org ni...bnd2 mcm tu mmg slalu jadi...especially utk gegurls..yeke? Ni pendapat je dan berdasarkan kata2 sahabat aku..tak tau la btol ke tak..btw, berbalik kpd misi di atas...mcm mane nk identify??? Jadi, aku come up dgn checklist cam kt bawah ni..

 

'Infatuation' tu mungkin bley pi cari dlm kamus ape mksud die..hehe..utk simplify, 'infatuation' tu bukanlah real love...die mcm hanya tertarik??? lebey kurang mcm tu la..sbnrnye, instead of 'infatuation', nk tulis "cinta kerana syaitan"..eh# horror gile kan bunyi..jd, tak jadi guna..haha..

Ni cket je listnye..ade lagi smbungan tp ckuplah share yg ni je..yg len2 tambah sndri..hehe..btw, nk komen cket..."Ikhtilat yg tak dijaga" tu byak kupasan die..mungkin bley study lagi sape yg curious atau mungkin, bley tanye aku..huahuahua...mungkin juga bley tgok vid nih...

Lagi satu nk share, mungkin rase budaya couple tu seronok sbb byak hadiah dpat dan selalu org ckap ucpn kasih syg..hahaha...parents I pown tak bg hadiah byak mcm tu..jd, aku berazam nnt bile dh ade anak, aku nk amalkan budaya memberi hadiah dan ucapan kasih sayang...biar anak2 aku tak rase perlu kepada bnd2 tu daripada lelaki atau gadis ajnabi..inshaAllah..Parents aku mungkin tak buat sbb parents diorg tak buat..ye la, org dulu2 mane ade ckap "I Love You" kt anak2 ni..jadi, aku, bakal ibu muda abad ni akan try utk mengubah budaya ini..hahaha...inshaAllah...

Jadi, kesimpulannya...

"Indeed, we can't change the past we used to live in, but we have future ahead of us to write beautiful stories"

-quoted-

Dan bila kita sudah suka, amatlah penting utk kita analyze balek rasa suka tu dtgnye drpd mane so that rase suka tu tak melalaikan dan tak menjadi fitnah, inshaAllah...

Keep calm and trust Allah...InshaAllah...

Jadi 'BATU' baru kawen!!!

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

Semacam je tjuk aku kan??? hahaha...ini adalah sdkit sharing drpd program yg aku pergi baru2 ni...sgtlah membangun jiwa dan raga..MashaAllah..thank you aku ucapkan kpd Allah Azza Wajalla yg menggerakkan hati ini yg jujur ckap, malas nak pergi pd awalnya...Alhamdulillah...

Seperti biase, pape pown...dlm program2 yg super awesome tuh mesti die akan berkisar balik kepada tangga yg 7 tu...mahu tahu apakah tangga itu..sila lihat bawah yerrr...

Ingin tahu apekah maksud tangga super kuning nih? Hubungi saye atau mane2 kakak usrah sekitar kawasan anda..hehe..sila2..sangat2 dialu-alukan...strictly for muslimah..muslimin bley juge hubungi saye melalui MukaBuku atau Pengicau, nnt saye sambungkan kpd ikhwah2 yg saye knal..inshaAllah..

Okeyh, berbalik kpd isu 'BATU'

Kenapa aku memilih utk jadi 'BATU' baru berkahwin???

Sbnrnye, cube kter lihat pd base (bace: tapak) tangga super kuning di atas...kite dapat lihat perkataan 'INDIVIDU' ditulis dgn jelas...individu kalau mengikut kamus hati aku bermksud aku..hahaha...jadi, from the stairs kite bley nampak..nak capai yg paling atas tu, kene ade base yg kukuh..sedikit penerangan utk yg atas tu, ustaziyatul alam (UA) bermaksud ustaz kpd Alam atau lebih dikenali dgn panggilan World Order...

Jadi, utk mencapai UA, kter kene mendaki anak2 tangga yg byak lagi mencabar dan haruslah dimulai dgn anak tangga pertama iaitu 'INDIVIDU'...

Meh nak bagi satu analogi...kalau kter tgok KLCC [mengikut cerita drpd akak yg bagi pengisian tu]...base die lagi dalam drpd bgunan tu...tau x sbab ape? Ofkoslah sbb nk make sure bgunan tu kukuh...kalau  base x ckup kuat, kental lagi haibat roboh plak kang..kan ke membahayakan msyarkt sejagat namenye..

Mengikut analogi ni, bleylah kter relate yg base kepade UA adalah 'INDIVIDU'..Maka, amatlah perlu utk each and everyone of Muslims in the world utk menjadi sekeras 'BATU' diamond sbgai base utk memastikan yg satu hari nanti UA dapat dicapai...utk memastikan agama Allah ni tertegak di seantero dunia...MashaAllah, Allahuakbar!!! 

Amatlah besar impian aku utk menjadi antara salah seorg yg berjuang memastikan UA dpat dicapai...Jadi, amatlah PENTING [kali infinity] utk aku make sure aku menjadi sekuat 'BATU' diamond agar aku dpt menjadi sebahagian base yg kukuh kpd UA...sekiranya aku tdak sekuat dan sekeras 'BATU', jgnkan UA, utk aku mencapai tangga kedua (bace: Baitul Muslim/Rumahtangga Muslim) pown amatlah mustahil..mungkin boleh, tp pasti akan roboh dan menjadi debu2 berterbangan...maka, sia2lah perkahwinan itu kerana tdak menyumbang ape2 pown kpd pembinaan UA...syurga dunia yg diimpi, neraka yg diperolehi...Naudzubillah...T_T

Aku...

Ingin melahirkan zuriat2 sehebat Umar Al-Khattab, Abu Bakar, Aishah dan Khadijah...

Mampukah andai aku tdak sehebat mereka???

Ya!!! 

Tdak mgkin aku akan menjadi sehebat mereka...tetapi sekurg2nya aku boleh berusaha menjadi sehebat mereka..kalau ade sepuluh tangga utk mencapai darjat Aishah, biiznillah aku mampu menjejak ke tangga 7 atau 8 atau mungkin 9...inshaAllah..

76:29-30

"Sungguh, ayat-ayat) ini adalah peringatan, maka barang siapa menghendaki (kebaikan bagi dirinya) tentu dia mengambil jalan menuju Tuhannya. Tetapi kamu tidak mampu (menempuh jalan itu), kecuali apabila dikehendaki Allah. Sungguh, Allah Maha Mengetahui, Maha Bijaksana."

Papepown, kene refer balek ayat nih...Ape pown impian aku ni, x kan mampu aku cpai kalau Allah x memilih aku..dan utk pastikan Allah memilih aku, maka haruslah aku berusaha sekuat mungkin mujahadah dan berubah menjadi hamba sebenar2 hamba...

Lastly nak ckap....inilah prinsip hdup aku skrg...harus jadi 'BATU' baru boleh kawen...hehe...inshaAllah..byak sbnrnye bnd aku dpt dr program super awesome nih...tp x nk share sume..biar org curious...bile mereka curious, mereka akan dtg sendiri inshaAllah..sape yg nk join program super awesome ni, hubungilah aku yer..

Again...

Jadi 'BATU' baru kawen!!!

FINAL:MOST Precious GIFTS from BeingME conference

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

It had been months since I planned to write this post..it was planned already..it's just not posted...Why??? I'm wondering myself...As outdated as it is, still, I feel responsible to post this post...I did think of ignoring it and just forget about it...tapi....[rase cam ade hak tak tertunai kalau x post]...this is the FINAL part of most precious gifts from BeingME conference...

Better late than NEVER...-Anonymous-

hehe....

Session 5: The Greatest Love of All:Do We Really Love Allah Most?
By: Sister Yasmin Mogahed

Allah is the God...the ONLY ONE...ni'mat such as money, clothes even families, are His gifts...Gifts that are meant to bring us closer to Him, not to be apart from Him..the reality, we keep getting further and further apart from Him...

"It is human to love, it is human to want gift, but it is problem when we put gift in the heart, God in the hand"

"It is easy to put aside what in the hand. But what is in the heart is thing we cannot live without"

A simple analogy, 

Allah is the food, the air...Dunya is a necklace...how we live our lives now, we're exchanging food and air with a necklace...like saying, "Suffocate me, but make sure I'll wear the necklace when I die"...

Ouch...sooo cynical, wasn't it?

"Only Allah is our survivor, not His gifts"

Me : I do put Allah as number ONE, who are you to judge???
[my heart scream]

DO I REALLY PUT ALLAH AS NUMBER ONE???

Sister Yasmin continue her speech...she questioned each and everyone of us..

"What makes you cry?"

"What makes you most angry?"

Hurmmm...me..most of the time, Allah is not the cause...T_T

Then, another analogy...The Day of Judgement, is like examination...how much we study, how much we wish it won't come..the day will come..it is exactly like the Day of Judgement...

"We don't really see the storm is coming like we don't really see the day of Judgement is coming.Nothing will stop death. Nothing will stop the Day of Judgement."

"In the moment death, tongue cannot say what is not in the heart"

Now, I know..why only NOW Allah gives me the feeling of posting this post...For me to remember back what I heard June last year..to listen back to it, only after I experienced the feeling of being on the verge of death...because of what Sister Yasmin said...let's hear it again...

"In the moment of death, tongue cannot say what is not in the heart"

Now, my heart is beating like crazy...I can feel my toes, my nails are getting colder...it's tooooo scary...

I did wish to die, long long time ago..long before I knew about Shadatul Haq, about the meaning of being a Khalifah, about the meaning of Shadahah..Lailahaillallah...And now, I'm grateful I'm still alive as there are too many responsibilities I have yet to complete...

Closing speech
By: Sheikh Tawfique Chowdhury

30 Qualities of Muslimah, Mukminah-in-the-making...

To be honest...I don't really get everything...

1) Piety 

“The world is a collection of treasures. The best treasure in this world is a righteous wife"

[Sunan Ibn Mājah] 

credit to : http://darulfiqh.com/what-shall-i-look-for-in-a-prospective-spouse/

2) Donating everything in the course of Allah

3) Patience

4) Tawakal

5) Held on strong to Islam despite pressures

I don't really remember when Sheikh Tawfique said this, but I want to relate it to this point...

"Every good, Allah makes it hard to get. Thus, why must quality righteous muslimah be easy to get?"

In the world where coupling is the norm, it is normal to have a feeling of wanting to be part of it...It is human to feel the need to love and to be loved...and, Allah already prepare us steps to be part of it, which is 'akad...and certainly coupling is not included in the steps...

I can't say more about this as my knowledge also limited only to things I learnt from school, speeches and books I read...but, if people are to question what's wrong with coupling if we don't do things Allah forbids like touching etc...I must tell you, though your physicals don't do sins, how about your heart???

Submitting ourselves to Allah not only limited to we have to do everything he asked by our actions only...it also requires us to submit to Him in the heart, in the words and in the action...that's what Shahadatul Haq means..How can we love Allah when we use that love for others...for example, our boyfriend...

[33:4]

"Allah has not put for any man two hearts inside his body.."

I don't know about others, but people keep asking why I don't have boyfriend...why I don't want to be in love anymore??? Some people also said, "if you don't have anyone, it's going to be hard for you to get married".. "If you reject too many people, they will think you're so hard to get..lastly, no one will want to marry you"...

T_T

I must admit, I did get stress over these....hehe...I am ONLY human..but after listening to what Sheikh Tawfique said, I feel at ease..I must hold on to Islam till the end...biiznillah...

6) Careful

7) Marry a husband due to piety and religion

8) Marriage and respect towards your husband

9) Love for the husband

And another 21, I'm too focus listening that I don't bother to write it down..Now, I forgot everything...I really regretted it but at least, I get to learn new thing..it's better to record the speech instead of jotting it down on paper...=)

Lastly, that's the end of one of the MOST FULFILLING day of my life...Alhamdulillah..hopefully, this sharing will help me now and in the future and inshaAllah, in akhirah like it helped me in the past..biiznillah...

Slip Out Of Sight Part 2

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

Situasi 3
Berdasarkan tarbiyah Allah slpas bace komik SDK, aku akhirnya decide utk try hdupkan kmbali passion aku kt medical field..kerana aku x kuat lagi utk bace buku Moore's Clinical Anatomy atau Guyton's Medical Physiology, aku memilih komik tntg kedoktoran...Team Medical Dragon...

Reading this comic, it really ignites back my desire to be a doctor...how very exciting to be able to save someone...to know that I give benefit to others...semgt aku kmbali sgar dan aku tekad yg no matter what happen, I'll make it happen..I'll be a doctor..not only that, I dream to be a great doctor, inshaAllah...only if Allah wills it..

Not only my passion comes back, my determination also returns..Alhamdulillah...tapi aku tau, x ckup..I need to cure my imaan, my heart....Jadi, aku kembali membace buku2 fikrah seperti Raheeq Makhtum [x abes pown lagi bace], bace blog2 yg inspiring dan sebgainya...slowly, I planned my study strategy...

But still, aku rase aku still lack of something....the fear I'm feeling still ade...takut gagal sekali lagi..tiap2 malam aku mimpi ngeri[faham2lah maksud mimpi ngeri tu]....Aku nk menanges pown x mampu dh..too scary..tiap kali terjage dari mimpi tu, aku menggeletar...I can't tell anyone in the house cause they won't understand...bukan aku x try, aku dh penah try...mmg diorg x faham pown...so, ape lagi..Allah jelah tmpt mengadu..Alhamdulillah...sekurg2nya usaha utk aku b'gantung hanya pada Allah dipermudahkan...

Dan selagi ketakutan ni masih ade, I can't give my best in anything I do...akhirnya, dgn izin Allah...aku ditemukan dgn satu buku yg sgt2 buat aku happy... x penah happy smpi cmni krn sebuah buku [kecuali buku free]...

Aku x habes bace pown lagi, tapi little by little, my fear of failing is lifted by Allah by reading this book....Subhanallah...baru bace 1/3 of the book, dh ckup bagi aku kekuatan utk tulis blog semula [biiznillah jgn lupe]...antara tamparan terdahsyat yg aku dpt adlh from these excerpts...

"I always watch with great interest a young man's first failure," said Marden. "It is the index of his life, the measure of his success-power. The mere fact of his failure does not interest me much; but how did he take his defeat? What did he do next? Was he discouraged? Did he SLIP OUT OF SIGHT? Did he conclude that he had made a mistake in his vocation, and dabble in something else? Or did he get up and be at it again with a determinaton that knows no defeat?"

"Life is a struggle."

"Since our conception we have been struggling."

These are among the excerpts yg aku suke sgt2 krn plg same dgn aku...byak lagilah excerpt yg sgt best...kalu aku nk tulis sume yg aku suke, aku kene taip balik satu buku kt blog nih..hehe...

SLIP OUT OF SIGHT tu aku 'capital'kan sbb ni adlh bnd yg aku buat...2 kali dh...2 kali dh aku menjd golongan LOSER...T_T...

The other two excerpts dealing about 'struggle'...knp aku sgt suke dgn topik ni, kerana aku mmg tidak pernah perlu 'struggle' sebelum ni..bukannye x de halangan dan rintangan, cumenye bile aku igt balik, halangan dan rintangan itu sgtlah senang smpai aku x rase 'struggle' adlh the best word to describe usaha2 lampau aku yg sgt sdkit tu...and the best thing is, the 2nd excerpt tu very similar dgn ayat Al-Quran...

"Sungguh, Kami telah menciptakan manusia berada dalam susah-payah" 

[90:4]

Kerana itulah aku sgt suka topik 'struggle' dlm buku dan ayat Quran ni...sbb ianya memujuk aku tiap kali aku rase sush...menghembus sdkit kekuatan dlm diri aku tiap kali aku rase aku lemah dan x bermaya...

Kesimpulannya:

Dari Buku Dare to Fail, sgtlah lumrah seseorg itu akn SLIP OUT OF SIGHT when they face failures...kerana failures bring about negative consequences sperti kes aku..hilgnya self-esteem, determination dan sebgaimya....cumenye, ape yg kter buat dlm tempoh 'hibernation' tu perlu kter kawal agar x lari aqidah islam, agar x terbatal imaan yg sukar ditemui...

Dan juga,amatlah penting utk kter identifikasi masalah hati dan imaan kter...x de lar ckap aku ni sntiase tau kalu hati dan imaan aku masalah...in fact, even while writing this..aku pown x pasti adkah niat aku btol2 suci utk menyebarkan cinta Allah kpd hambaNya atau turut terselit niat utk riak' atau 'ujub...Naudzubillah...ape yg termampu aku buat hanyalah berusaha menyucikan amal ni dgn istighfar...

Lastly, semoga Allah redha...InshaAllah...

Slip Out of Sight Part 1

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

Aku kembali lagi...bile check2 balek blog, rupe2nye aku nih mengambil mase 2 bulan bile aku masuk state 'hibernation' atau cm tjuk post ni mencdgkan 'Slip Out Of Sight'...

Situasi 1
Aku masuk state ni lagi wlupown pade asalnye aku x berniat nk msuk dh pas aku berjaya keluar pertama kali dlu...tapi ntah kenape, one day tu aku bgun...aku rase all of my friends, from NUMed, Semashur, SKTJ even from Herbalife scary utk aku...except for my very close family, yg len2 aku rase cm satu force yg bile2 mase akn crash aku punye self-esteem, jati dri or whatever you call it even diri aku sendri..

Okeyh, jujur ckap..ntah ape ntah perasaan yg aku describe kt atas nih..tapi ayat2 kt atas nilah the best description knp aku msuk state 'hibernation' kali kedua..


Pengajaran dari situasi 1:
Negative thinking comes from hati yg negatif..biasenye, sbgai manusia, tindakan kter, ape yg kter fikir mmg heavily influence by our hearts...bertetapan dgn hadith pasal hati...sape tau, angkat tangan sekarang....

Yeay! ramai dh tahu kan??? jom kter refresh lagi...

"Ingatlah sesungguhnya di dalam tubuh ada segumpal daging, jika ia baik maka baiklah seluruh tubuhnya dan apabila ia buruk maka buruklah seluruh tubuhnya.Ingatlah ia adalah hati"
[Bukhari dan Muslim]

Situasi 2

Yes, indeed..tidak malu aku akui aku mmg ade masalah hati..selame 2 bulan hibernation nih, aku hbiskan dgn berfikir dan membace...I really did read a lot...sbb setelah fikir2 dan mengenang zaman kegembiraan, hdup tanpa masalah dan gelisah...aku perasan yg zaman tu adalah zaman di mana aku sgt rajin membaca....ranging from educational books smpai lar komik, even surat khabar lame bungkus nasi lemak pown aku bace...tapi among all those books, mstilah ade one type of books yg aku cenderung...ngeee~~~ 

KOMIK

Aku sgt suke bace bnd nih...tapi setelah mengenal youtube dan dailymotion, aku mule hilg minat kt bnd nih...lepas tu, kenal plak dgn usrah dan tarbiyah...maka, tamatlah kegilaan aku kpd komik wlupown masih ade koleksi komik2 jiwang, Dragon Ball, Detective Conan dan Misteri Naga...x tersmpai hati aku nk buang...tapi ntah dlm kotak mane ntah aku x pasti...Missing In Action (M.I.A)...ntah2 dh hncur kene makan anai2..Wallahua'lam..

Semasa kotak2 ni masih belum M.I.A, everytime aku tgok kotak2 yg isi menatang2 nih, aku rase cm OMG!!!! Byak skali wang aku habeskan utk bnd x berfaedah tu sdgkan duet tuh bley aku sumbg ke Gaza, x pown bg mak aku ke, tok ke...penyesalan yg terase, perghhhh!!! x tergambar dgn kata2...

Tapi, aku juge notice something...pada masa itu, pada masa apa yg aku kisahkan hanyalah bile Detective Conan nk kuar buku baru, ckup x duet nk beli komik jiwang baru Gempak Starz kt 7E, hdup aku sgtlah mudah...kerunsingan paling trok hanyalah kene kumpul duet...

Jadi, dlm state imaan dan hati yg berada di ICU tanpa bantuan dari resuscitation machine seperti usrah, aku pown membuat keputusan dangkal dgn membaca komik semula..aku buat keputusan utk cari balek satu komik ni yg aku bace mgkin time drjh 4/5 cmtu dlm majalah Kreko bertajuk Samurai Deeper Kyo (SDK)...

Aku just nk kembali ke zaman dahulu, zaman mase aku hanyalah seorg bdak kcik who had nothing to worry about, no responsibility...the old me, who got anything without difficulties...

However, as Allah is the MOST LOVING, Dia, dgn murah hatiNya menghantar tarbiyah yg x aku sgka2 dlm komik tu...T_T 

Theme dlm komik ni ialah "always sticking to your beliefs in order to accomplish something"...lagi satu theme adlh "live your life with passion"...Basically theme die, DETERMINATION and PASSION...These are 2 things yg aku hilang when I faced the BIGGEST failure in my career as a student..bukannye x penah gagal lgsg..aku pnah gagal AddMath mase Form 4 dan penah gak gagal byk subject mse IB dlu time zaman2 aku x gi kelas 2 bulan..the only different is those 2 failures are not the end for my Secondary School and IB life..towards the end of both, I can be considered emerging from the battle as a WINNER...sbb tu kali ni punye failure [btw,malas nk elaborate lebih2 sbb dh byk kali ckp pasl ni,nnt org bosan plak] adalah yg terbesar stkt nih....

Aku pggil kegagalan kali ini yg terbesar stkt ini sbb bnd ni mampu membuat aku hilg DETERMINATION and PASSION...I don't even know what I want anymore...I just live for the sake of living sbb x kan nk bunuh diri...aku masih inginkn syurga dan takut murka Allah...makan, tidur, solat, bace komik, tgok tv, pi kelas mandarin...nilah rutin harian aku..x de aim langsung...medic school??? aku tolak jauh2 dari fikiran aku...although I said I'm afraid of Allah's wrath, the ignorance act yg aku buat ni sbnrnye mengundang murkaNya...cume aku x sedar...

Ntah mane aku punye determination nk jadi doktor...ntah mane passion aku towards medical field..x de dh on9 tgok medscape ke ape..on9 utk bace komik je...tapi, kerana Allah, melalui SDK, aku baru perasan hilangnye 2 bnd nih dlm dri aku...to cut it short, hero komik ni, Kyo ni hanyalah seorg samurai biasa..yg buat die jadi luar biasa adlh his determination to get what he want, which is to be the strongest...byak kali die di ambang kematian, tapi die sentiasa menang...x pernah kalah, simply because he sticks to his beliefs..dan juga, he does what he does with passion..bile die angkt pedang, even when he was bleeding to death, die akan seronok and bahagie sesgt...

This comic also teaches me about BELIEVE..kt page akhir SDK, the author said, 

"So long as you believe with all your heart..you will always be able to find your own true path"

Btw, bnd ni sebnrnye Islam dah ajar...x pecaye??? Imaanlah...Imaan tu kan percaya...Tapi biaselah, Allah dah tnjuk jalan lurus, saje manusia ni nk belok2 dlu msuk semak baru nk jmp jalan yg betul..aku x terkecuali...

Pengajaran dari situasi 2:

Allah tu sgt sgt sgt[kali infinity] penyayang terhadap hamba2Nya...bygkan, dlm mase aku abaikan tanggungjwb aku sbgai khalifah dan 'abid, dgn izinNya, Allah ttp menghantar rahmat hidayahNya utk aku...and lagi hebat, hidayah tu smpi dlm mase aku memilih utk futur....T_T Subhanallah, MashaAllah...pemurahnya Allah ni...x nak Allah lagi??? mmg nak kene cmpak masuk gaung Cameron Highland...

One more thing to learn...

Once your soul has been touched by the awesomeness of being in imaan and Islam, you will never be able to run away..x de lar nk ckap aku ni dh berimaan dgn imaan yg sempurna, tapi once kter dh rase manisnya imaan ni, wlupown sekecik zarah, sesekejap kelipan mata, hati kter ttp akan rase bersalah dan terkesan dgn dosa yg kter buat...sbb ape aku ckap cmni...bygkan, smbil bace komik[futur] aku ttp relate bnd2 dlm komik tu ngn Allah, ngan hdup aku, cmne nk aplikasi dlm usrah dan tarbiyah dan mcm2 lagi smpai aku cm nak ckap kt Allah yg aku x nk pk pasal tu..aku nk bace komik for the sake of entertainment je...tapi ofkoslah kerana kasih sayang Allah yg luasnya x terjangkau akal manusia, detikan dlm hati aku tu Allah x kabulkan...x dpt byg kalu Allah kabulkan..Naudzubillah...T_T  Menggeletar fikir ape yg bakal terjadi...

To Be Continued...

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