My very own definition of a strong person is "never complain and be patient, always grateful, trust only Allah, cry only to Him and seek help from Him and ONLY Him.."
It has always been my dream to be this kind of person...
However, I notice my greatest weakness which is not that bad actually...instead, it's just contradictory with me desiring to be strong...I realize I get myself attach far too easily towards human-being <huiyoo..I talk as if I'm not human...=_='> this also means that I'll eventually become dependent upon them without me realizing it myself...fuhhh...<sweating...0_0'> Soooo irony....LOL!
Penat dh merepek bhse omputih nih..nk ckap melayu sudehhh..hehe..cm skrg nih, this post was drafted mase aku kt bhgian kecemasan, waiting utk pi jmp doktor...smpat plak mem'blog' merapik..to be honest, I need to talk to someone now..jadi, saye memilih utk berckap ngn hp smbil tggu turn..T_T sedey + lonely...pathetic giler!
Actually, aku sgt2 memerlukan my 2 dearest angels...
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| [dan2 happy terigt depa...] |
Tapi, aku tersgtlah segan nak wat cmtu....diorg cbok sbgai med students...mane ade mase nk dgr ralat aku...jujur ckap, aku rase sgt2 insignificant dan inferior utk call diorg...even utk pk I'm still part of their lives...that's how badly injured my self-esteem and all...and this is the first reason why I won't do that..
Kesannye, hanya Allah yang tahu cmne broken + wreckednye hati aku nih sbb I have to refrain myself from calling these people...indeed, I have Allah to talk with, to cry with, but human nature...sometimes, I still need human to share my sorrow and pains...cause for now, I've been enduring it alone for quite some time, so it's kind of suffocating already...
Jadi, in other word, I've reached my limit...
Tetapi, I still managed to not to call them until now...why? Because there's one more reason yg menjadi cm string yg sgt halus dan kuat yg menahan hati aku daripada menanges2 dan call depa2 nih cm aku slalu buat dgn x malunye...
Allah sends me all these hardships as well as the pains alongside with them so that aku jd kuat..makin kuat....invincible towards kesedihan duniawi...memetik kata2 Saladin,
"Kupinta dari Allah kekuatan, Allah kirimkan kesulitan..."
[lebih kurg cmnila kata2 Saladin tu...]
Jadi, kalu aku akhirnya call diorg dan menangis2 sume, aku cm defeat the purpose of Allah sends me all these trials...besides, sia2 gak usaha aku endure bnd2 nih all this while..
Nnt, smpai akhirnya...aku akan tetap lembik physically dan mentally...jadi, aku akn ttp bertahan...saket cmne pown, I'll be patient...aku akn cube bersabar dan hanya mengadu nges2 kt Allah...I promise myself to try this...aku tau, I can never be perfectly strong...I will reach my limit again...mgkin, after this post aku x tahan dh....aku x tau...tapi...for now, I will hold on...
Lagipown, skrg ni aku ade buku nih...lupe nk letak tadi...siyesly, aku rase nk promote kt sume org sbb msti r sume org akan melalui saat2 duka kan??? Buku ni sgtlah bagus utk refill imaan yg tercabar saat2 duka dan sengsara..this is actually a present from a dear friend...thank you soo much..Allah je bley balas...=) x de r korg tros okay pas bace, but it really helps...a lot...dgn izin Allah,biiznillah...
Lagipown, skrg ni aku ade buku nih...lupe nk letak tadi...siyesly, aku rase nk promote kt sume org sbb msti r sume org akan melalui saat2 duka kan??? Buku ni sgtlah bagus utk refill imaan yg tercabar saat2 duka dan sengsara..this is actually a present from a dear friend...thank you soo much..Allah je bley balas...=) x de r korg tros okay pas bace, but it really helps...a lot...dgn izin Allah,biiznillah...
O'Allah, gives me strength to hold on....inshaAllah...Aminnn
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