Bismillah...=)
Korg sume anak mak ke, anak abah??? Korg rpt ngn yg mne? Cm aku, aku rpt ngn abah. SAaAYang ABAH aku..huhuhu...mak pown sayang juge, tp mak kawan gaduh2...abah plak, kwn MNJE2..Jgn jelesssss yer...
X tau r org len, tp aku ad certain characteristics for IDEAL @ PERFECT daddy. Paling penting, kriteria UTAMA adalah TAKKAN KAHWIN LAGI.
As I said before, I'm daddy's daughter. So, msti r pape pown smbg2 ngn abah. Aku nih ske benor mendgr motivational citer dr baby2 dlu [pndi2 je, memory pown x dak =p]
So, tkg cerite msti r ABAH..hehehe...MAK plak kekdg kowt, x tau plak...abah aku ske cter cmne die g skola dlu, sush payah, jerih peritnye khdupan die dlu...Ofkos r, cter nih sbnrnye nk motivate ktorg biar rjin blaja + relate to kepntgn ilmu...kalu ktorg mlas2 nk blaja, kuar r cter nih....X tau my sis or adik2, tp aku TIDAK PENAH BORING dgr bnd nih [ceyt, siap nk emphasize tuh -_-'] wlupown dh berkurun dgr bnd same. Reason sbb ap x boring, ofkos r:
DADDY'S DAUGHTER = DADDY'S BIAS
[hohohoho...=D, bgge abah aku bce]
Aku bgge sesgt ngn abah aky... Sbb die sgt 'admirable' with all the hardships yg die cter die kne lalui just utk blaja dolu2...Kesimpulannye ABAH aku adlah KEBANGGAAN aku.
Korg mst confusekn amende r pjg sgt intro nih...sbar ye...nnt korg fhm...Antara isi2 penting
- aku anak abah
- aku abah's bias
- Ideal daddy = takkan kahwin lagi
- Bgge sgt ngn abah aku
Well, cm biase r, kehidupan....
"Kusangka panas sampai ke petang, rupanya hujan di tengahari"
Mcm aku ckp, abah aku KEBANGGAAN aku ...I'm so PROUD of him and I THOUGHT he'll never let me down. Tapi, ap yg nk jd dlm hidup nih, walau trok cmne pown + walau kter rse kter x mampu nk tanggung, ALLAH lebih tahu. Walau kter BENCI mcm mne pown, when ALLAH said "You'll face this"[ofkos,Allah x ckp cmni yer] there's nothing you can do.
Our Conversation (Me + Mother)
Mother : Kakak, mak nk bgtau sesuatu.
Me : Ape?
Mother : Anggap r ap yg mak nk gtau ni TAKDIR. Jgn sdey.
Me : Ape? ABAH kawen lg? [cane ley agk, pjg kesanye]
Me + Mother : Laughhhh~~~
Me :
Me : Laugh histerically -_-'
[Org yg paling aku BANGGAkn buat bnd aku plg BENCI]
Monolog dalaman
"Confuse r 0_0, kn dh ckp kt abah JGN KAHWIN LAGI. Knp abah kawen? Abah x sayang ktorg ker? Bnci gler!!! Cane nk jmp abah??? Allah, nape wt hadhinah camni? NAPER!!! Kn dh solat hajat+doa bebyk jgn bg abah kawen lain??? Nape Allah bg jgak abah kawen......BENCI!!!.......................[too much till can't write anymore]"
Nak lari sesgt, x nk dok ngn abah...BENCI gler tgok IBU+ABAH....sedey sesgt tgok mak....KEJAM sesgt 2 ekor manusia nih...SO, aku ...
"Mak, nk blek umah tok"
3 bulan dok umah tok. Keje, x nk amek duet abah walau sesen pown. BENCI yg amat. Sum1 bru blek dr UMRAH. Die ckp,
"Adina
Okey, mgkin sdkit convincing. Tapi blom btol2 berlapang dada. But, since dh nk kne msuk KMB, blek umah....Konon nk berbaek+abah suruh, pergi dok umah IBU semggu. Astaghfirullah, konflik berlaku. Byk sesgt konflik berlaku, aku x bersalah + x faham pown ap yg berlaku. Tapi aku diperslhkn atas segala-galanye. Abah MARAH + Mak MARAH + Family ABAH MARAH + Sume2 MARAH.
I'm only 18.
My heart said,
"Apsal ak plak kne marah ngn sume org nih? Aku ke yg kawen laen? Ape kaitan nih sume ngn aku? Bley ke nk putuskn tros ngn diorg2 nih sume?Bley x nk hdup sengsorg seumur hidup???WHY????!!!!"
The tension was too much, too stressful till I was defeated. I cried, cried and only cried. Smpi dmam panas semggu. Abah bnci, nk tgok aku pown x sudi. Wlupown in the end, mntk maaf kt abah, abah maafkn tp buat sbb terpkse. In the end, hatred grew stronger than before.
Too much episodes, too much pain till I can't forgive+forget anymore. Grudges were piling up in my darkened heart. I didn't even realize the hatred had actually darkened my heart.
Tapi, pengalaman di KMB, bnd yg belajar kt KMB, from classes+usrah+akhawat+ikhwan+sume2, buat aku sedar yg "I can't do this". He's my ABAH anyway. Things happened because ALLAH allowed it to happen.
Thus, I TRIED to think of the things my ABAH had done for me. Too much to be mentioned.
And now, selepas 3 tahun, still sedey.
Tiap kali igt yg abah kawen lain, benci sesgt. Walaupown dh try surpress rse BENCI dlm2, still benci sesgt.
Smpi r td, tgok satu video nih... Dlm video tu, ad satu ayat,
"There are no perfect fathers,
But a father,
will always love perfectly."
Rsenye, video nih perlu dilihat oleh sume org dlm dunia ni yg ad ayah. Sedey sesgt. Saye malu sesgt. Berkali2 tgok, menanges jgak...Abah aku , SATU SAHAJA bnd yg die wt yg aku bnci sesgt...Tu pown x berdose. Skurg2nye, abah aku kawen. X de r curang@maksiat [naudzubillah]...Allah pown x mrh...wtpe aku nak marah?
Lgpown, abah ttp blek umah. Tetap spend time ngn family. Tak pernah ktorg kebulur+rndu kt abah. Abah ad je kt umah. Nk ap, mntk jer...Slgi abah mampu, InsyaAllah...x penah x dpt....X de pown abah abaikan ktorg...Abah sayang je ktorg....abah msih ketawa ngn ktorg, abah masih gembira ngn ktorg...abh msih rindu ktorg kalu lme x jmp....
Nk bnding salah abah buat ngn salah yg aku buat, confirm punyer salah aku lg byk. Melawan+merajuk+sketkn ati abah, byk kali sgt...dr zaman baby2 lg dh wt salah. X penah pown abah benci...
Kalu nk kre sush abah, saket ati abah...Kalu hati abah bley merentung, rsenye abah punye hati dh jd abu....Ade anak x sedar diuntung cm aku ....
Kalu igt satu2:
1) Utk bg ktorg sume DUET, abah sanggup berpenat kt kebun...Balek2 keje, solat2 tros msuk kebun...Panas2, x berpayung...sengsorg...Abah x pernah komplen...TAK PERNAH LANGSUNG
2) Abah letih mlm2, nk rehat...Ktorg lapar, nk makan luar, Abah bwk je..Abah byr jer...X merungut pown...
3) Mse saket, msuk hospital kt banting...pkul 3 pg, abah smpi, sbb nk tggu aku kt wad, abah x nk g jauh2 tkot jd pape, abah sggup tdor dlm kete, byk nyamuk, sejuk, sakit badan...abah x merungut cket pown...
4) Mse operation, abah x sggup tgok...x smpi 10 minit, abah kuar...Abah takowt sesgt jd pape..Abah x bg pon operate, tp aku insisted to do it...
5) Mse kt wad, abah penat2 from umah ibu yg jauh, nek moto sengsorg, dtg jmp kt hospital tros...X blek pown...X rehat pown...sbb nk tgok aku ....Abah x merungut pown...
Byk sesgt...byk sgt2 kebaikan abah buat...Byk sgt2 kasih sayang abah tunjuk...Tapi yg aku nampak, salah abah je...Salah yg bukan kesalahan pown...X pernah nk fhm ABAH...being so selfish...Nk abah yg dgr ckp, never try to understand him at all....I'm ashamed of myself..
So, this post is written with an intention that someday, when I feel strong enough, I'll show this to him. As for others who might read, hope you guys learn something from this story.
"ABAH...Kakak malu+takowt sesgt nk luah bnd nih kt abah...Kakak rse berdose sesgt pndm bnci kt abah bertahun...Kakak mntk maaf sbb degil + x penah nk phm abah + pntingkn diri sndri...Kakak mntk maaf kalu slame ni kakak sketkn hati abah...Ampunkan kakak abah...Kakak sayang abah..."
"Ya Allah, sayangilah abah hadhinah cm abah adhinah sayang hadhinah dari kcik2...Kurniakan hidayah Allah utk abah hadhinah...Murahkan rezeki abah hadhinah...Berikan kesihatan tubuh badan utk abah...Jauhkan abah hadhinah dari azab dunia,kubur dan neraka nnt. Kurniakan abah hadhinah ganjaran setimpal dgn kebaikan yg abah hadhinah kerjakan. Kurniakanlah syurga ntok abah hadhinah..Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin~~~"
[Hensem x abah aku ??Huhuhu~~~]
